Too personal

Today I played a song I wrote for one of the guys who plays in our church praise team. I wish I never had.

I wrote the song in response to my wife losing her job in July. It is a rather personal song (though I did post it). I poured a lot of my fear and helplessness into it. And it has been a haven for me to escape to. When I play it, I feel like I'm on an island, free from the very thing I am singing about.

I played it for my friend, I was nervous, and I embarrassed myself. It was obvious to me that his listening was polite. Halfway through the song I just wanted to quit. I felt like a 6 year old proudly displaying his fingerpaint masterpiece of mommy, daddy, him and his doggie in front of their house with smoke coming out of the chimney on the fridge.

The thing is, he played along. It is a simple chord progression: G, D, G Cadd9. His skill is remarkable and he picked up the melody easily enough. That didn't bother me in the least. I was actually hoping he would improvise on it.

But, when it was done, he didn't say anything. Good, bad, indifferent. I wondered if he was embarrassed for me. I wondered if playing something so personal, yet primitive (as far as my skills as a songwriter go) made him afraid to give me constructive criticism. I felt foolish. Eventually he asked when I wrote it and thanked me for sharing. It just wasn't what I was expecting or wanted.

I'm feeling rather the fool right now.


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