Aggrivation, It takes contemplation...

I felt like giving up today.

On Sundays, I will often take my guitar with me to church and practice with the band before service. The group seems pleased to have me there and is quite patient with my ill playing. Nevertheless, I feel like I'm playing with bananas for fingers when I'm there. They, of course, play to tempo and I can get only the most basic of chord changes and rhythms in. It could be quite discouraging if I let it. I let it today.

I've been playing now since late December '06. I suppose playing is the right word. I've got no idea how to practice. I just seem to noodle around doing the few things I know how to do. I'm not really sure how to push myself to the next level. Part of the problem is that I already know too much about music. Most of the beginner books or lessons online are about basic music--what a rest is, a time signature, flats, sharps, how long a half note is. Whoopdedoo. I understand chords even if I don't know how to build one from scratch anymore. Playing simple songs bores the shit out of me, but I don't know enough to go the next step.

How do I practice the simple and not so simple chord changes? How do I judge my progress? I don't know enough to know what I don't know. You know?

What I want, what I secretly desire, is to spend time with a friend playing...learning...judging my progress against the patient kindness of a friend. I want to spend time, an hour, an afternoon, just enjoying the simpleness of the guitar. I want to be with someone as they play, ask questions, imitate. And here is my trouble...I'm old. Most of my friends who play seem to no longer have the excitement for the instrument that I've only recently found. It is second nature to them, a skill that they take for granted (harsh, but I'm trying to make a point here). I've put the idea forth, and received only a lukewarm reception. I'd rather not push the idea.

So, here I sit. Bored with teaching myself and having no direction. Fearful of pushing my eagerness on unreceptive friends. Finally, lost in a group far beyond my skill to keep up with (never end a sentence with a preposition thereof). I want to give up. But I can't. Because, sod it all, it is now too deep under my skin.


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